The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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