I just saw a hot homeless man
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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