grandma shit on top of the toilet
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
