Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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