a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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