quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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