There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
