Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
