so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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