On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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