Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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