Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
