Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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