you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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