He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
