I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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