I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
