I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
