"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
