I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
