You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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