K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
