She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
