We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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