i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
