I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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