There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
