Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
