I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
