FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
