oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
