so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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