I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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