Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
