yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
