You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
