Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
