my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
