Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
