The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
