I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
