i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
