i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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