Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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