Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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