One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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