I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
