He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
