His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
