He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
