Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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