Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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