Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
