you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
