My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So much rum. So many feels.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
