New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
